IML—The Outcome and Ongoing Debate

I've been asked by a number of people what my impression is of the outcome of IML.  It's certainly a popular topic of "discussion" at the moment.

There appear to be a few different perspectives forming around the community with regard to the selection of Tyler as IML. The two I've heard most frequently from other can be categorized as follows:

a) This is a wonderful thing.  IML is reflecting the breadth and openness that we hold as ideals of the Leather Community.

b) This is incomprehensible.  How can we see Tyler as representing our community.  (Sometimes accompanied by snide comments regarding trans-men).

What bothers me about the "discussion" is how easily the opinions run to these endpoints of wonderful or horrible.  This is a circumstance, I have said, which provides an opportunity for serious discussion about the nature and values we hold strong in our community.  The key word being discussion.  I've seen rants and I've heard defensive rebuttals, but not much open discussion. 

Here's my three cents, which may cost me far more than that in the long run.

I congratulate Tyler on a wonderful accomplishment.  I hope that he will serve admirably as IML, and look forward to spending time with him at events and offline as the year goes forward.  Do I consider him to be someone who can fulfill the role of IML?  From what I have seen and heard, absolutely. Do I think he was an inappropriate choice for IML?  No, I do not.

But.

I am concerned that we have gone from being a community where being in a wheelchair would rule you out from winning IML, to one where we subconsciously overcompensate for people who "have faced or are facing life challenges".  I do think that Tyler won in part because he was in a wheelchair.  Do I think he would have been in the Top 20 otherwise?  Yes, I think he would have made Top 20 regardless.  He is well-spoken, genial, has stage presence, certainly must have interviewed well, is passionate...all the sort of qualities we look for in an IML candidate.

But.

I heard the murmurings and discussions regarding Tyler's being F to M after the fact.  I've heard tell that the judges were not aware of this. I've heard Tyler's speech and the reference to the challenge of being F-M.  I've heard it all.  I've heard the points about IML not even having to be gay.  My concern is this: to me, IML is a title that is fundamentally about sexuality.  Kinky sexuality.  We talk about inclusiveness, and the judges are sensitive to this.  Clearly so, given the contest results.  Not having seen the applications, not having been in the interviews, to the best of my knowledge, the judges weren't aware of Tyler's being F to M until his speech.  I do indeed have a problem with nondisclosure.  I have a problem with someone serving as leader of our community, with "Trust, Honor, and Respect" as its three most discussed values, if he is not able to Trust the judges with that information, Honor our desire for openness, and Respect the community at large by being upfront about his sexuality and gender identity.

I would make the same remarks about a winner who competes under a pseudonym.  I would make the same remarks about a winner who is not out to his or her family while maintaining a relationship with them.

I have no issue with a contestant being F to M.  I have no issue with a contestant being straight.  I have no issue with a contestant being in a wheelchair.

But — when we as a community and a collection of judges select someone in part because of any of these qualities, and not simply with rational consideration of them, then yes, I have an issue.

Fundamentally, I thought Tyler gave a good speech, but, in my opinion, not the best one.  I think it was absolutely in part because he walked out on stage that it was astonishing to the audience.  And yes, I suspect the judges scores' reflected this audience amazement, and not just the inherent message of Tyler's speech itself.  The cynic in me has to wonder why it is that Tyler only came out without his chair when it came time for his last appearance and speech, if not to elicit an emotional response from the audience and judges.  If the judges credited that audience reaction (even before Tyler had begun speaking), then were they not in fact giving credit to Tyler for walking which they would not afford any other contestant?

That may or may not be the case, but I have not heard any open discussion about this concern.

People want to present the two ends of the spectrum as if they are the only options.  Saying that the winner must be a 'Tom of Finland' as being the only alternative to Tyler McCormick does a disservice to the dozens of men who are somewhere in between.  Saying that either we rule in Tyler or we rule out Tyler does him a disservice.

To close: Tyler won.  The judges cast their scores.  How we respond to his selection is up to us.  I will embrace him and support him.  I will challenge those who exclude him or reject him.  But...I will be honest about the process and my concerns about overreactions pro and con with any and all...including Tyler.

IML and Barebacking...

Some polls are complicated and some are straightforward. Occasionally they present unexpected surprises and sometimes they confirm preexisting conceptions. The latest poll posed by Leatherati asked the question of whether or not the policy change by IML to bar vendors whose products promote or encourage barebacking would have an impact on the incidence of barebacking within the leather community.

This was one of those polls which I expected to see a strong sense of agreement on.
To a certain degree, my expectation was confirmed.  Fully 80% of respondents felt that the policy change would have no effect. 20% indicated that it would in fact help reduce barebacking.

To me, this was actually a bit of a surprise.  I expected to see an even greater number of people expressing that there would be no effect.  I think this is indicative of a few different things:

• There are those who believe that IML is widely known and that there has been significant enough publicity over the organization's decision. They are of a mind that this will have impacted some members of the leather community who do not necessarily bareback as a matter of course and will give second thought to doing so.  Not necessarily to abstain completely from barebacking, but perhaps instead to consciously choose whether or not to use condoms.
• The visibility of the policy and the amount of talk about it at the vendor market and in the context of the contest itself has sensitized some event attendees.  As a result some will choose not to bareback when they may have otherwise at IML itself.  This may not have a lasting effect on the amount of barebacking, but it would still be a reduction versus what would otherwise have been going on.
• That there are some who will feel strongly enough about this issue that they will not support organizations or events that do support or promote barebacking and that, down the line, this will have some additional effect of turning some guys away from barebacking as a practice.

My feelings about each of these effects, which I think are are reinforced by the overwhelming vote of No on this poll can be described as a slap-in-the-face reaction.  The impact of the initial response by Chuck was a harsh one which caused a strong wave of discussion throughout the community.  But, like a slap in the face, once the initial shock passes, it leaves not much in the way of lasting impact.  Without the reinforcement of repeated exposure and the strength of others following with a similar boycott, Chuck's impassioned stance will be a respected, but silent call to action.

I think that there are many in the community who are leaning toward a more 'be responsible for yourself" attitude.  This is more in line with the plan set forth by Dave Watt with his Mr. Friendly campaign.  This argument is one less built from a "this is wrong and must not be done" attitude and more from an "understand when and how this is safe or not" frame of mind.  I think that yes, there are a lot of men who simply don't care about their status, but that there is an every growing group that plays according to their status.

There are two major forces which confront any action taken to reduce barebacking.  One is that there is a perception of "well everyone's infected, aren't they", leading to an assumption that it doesn't matter if one transmits an STD.  It also contributes to the feeling of "Well, I'm going to get infected eventually anyway." This combines with the second, base urge.  Barebacking feels good.  It feels carefree.  It feels natural.  It feels spontaneous.  Choosing not to be concerned about whether or not to use a condom brings with it a degree of liberation about sex that is VERY alluring.

Fundamentally, I think the question about how to reduce barebacking will be answered by no longer needing to be concerned about answering the question.

A little something for your amusement

Check out the rest of the vid @ Gay Daily Hot.

ALM09 On the Spot - Leatherati Poll: What purpose(s) do leather contests serve?

Leatherati.com has an ongoing feature of placing a poll on the site on some topic of interest to the community.  For me that provides great material for discussing the issues surrounding the poll in question. So, from time to time, when the polls complete, I'll be reviewing the responses, providing my interpretation of the results, some thoughts on the topic and the results, and looking for additional questions to ask to open discussion with the larger community out there.

The latest poll asked the big question "What purpose(s) do leather contests serve?"

Travel travail

Okay...really not that big of a travail. I love Virgin America. No issues there. I want to fly virgin all the time. But. A red eye is still a red eye and coach is still coach. My words of wisdom. If you want to be able to party of Friday night, don't red-eye Thursday night. Especially not if your flying eastward.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Waiting to board

A fleet of TSA agents in bright blue have shown up at our gate in anticipation of boarding. Not the hottest uniform, but a really great blue. Could definitely be a hot uniform on he right agent.

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Mr Regiment 2010

I am at a loss for words.  A year has come and gone.  And what a year it's been.  So much has happened.  And I have changed quite a bit.  There are things that are the same and things that are almost unrecognizable.

One thing I am certain of...this will go down for me as one of the most amazing years in my life.  I had been very reticent to even run for the title of Mr Regiment.  A long time ago in a country far far away (also known as San Francisco, 1996-ish), I ran for Leather Daddy's boy.  Loren and I had just met, he had just won Leather Daddy, and wanting to prove myself, I ran - even though I was terrified of competing.  And I came in first runner up.  I was disappointed in not having won, but not so much that when the contest rolled around the following year, I ran again.  And...once again, I came in 1st runner up.  I was really hurt by that. I was surprised how much so.  I vowed I was never going to run for another contest.

As I moved from 30 to 35.  And from 35 on to 40, Loren constantly would tell me how with each year I get more handsome and more confident.  I realized at age 40, that the experience of being a titleholder was one of those 'stories' that I didn't want to get to the end of my life and regret not having shot for.  I decided that the time was right.

Loren's and my relationship has grown and changed over the years, and we both realized that I needed an opportunity to be more than simply his boy. He encouraged me to run if I wanted to, and that he would support me with however I wanted to pursue it.

I looked at the various titles in the Los Angeles Leather series and decided very quickly on the Mr Regiment title to run for.  I was a member of the California B&B, so I already had an affinity got uniforms, and given the different personalities of the different titles, I felt that Mr Regiment would be a good fit.  Upstanding, clean cut, but with an irreverent, mischievous, 'you can take me home to mother, just don't tell her what we did last night' sort of title.  And, I figured, if I lost, I would have a few months to get over it before I could try for another one as a fallback.  Although I knew...given my past, if I hadn't won, I probably would not have.

I have two key memories of competing for Mr Regiment 2009.  The first was finding out as I was dressing for the Formal Wear section (first part) that we would have to give a 90 second speech.  I had been surprised that I wasn't going to have to given the contestant notes made no mention of a speech, so I hadn't prepared anything.

With literally 90 seconds notice I headed out on stage for formal wear and my spontaneously generated commentary on fetish, gear, and bringing sex back into our public events.

I have always had a fear of public speaking, and stage fright as well, but somehow, I started talking and just simply addressed the audience.  And...I felt good doing it - that or the adrenaline had me loopy LOL.

The other memorable moment was the final section - the jockstrap portion.  Loren got me nicely fluffed backstage, and being the rubber perve that I am, we put about 15 silicone o-rings around my cock and balls.  I was so hard I couldn't get my codpiece snapped down.  I went out on stage and worked the stage while Mike Gerle (our emcee and IML 2007) read my fantasy.  As he got toward the end, I yanked off my codpiece entirely and sprang forth with well...enthusiasm.  There is nothing quite so memorable as leaving either an emcee or an IML speechless, during a public event.  Mike picked back up and said without too much of a break "This is my absolute favorite contest ever."

As is probably apparent from the title of this blog...I did win Mr Regiment.

My experience as Mr Regiment has entailed continuing to be involved in various club activities, preparing for Los Angeles Leather, helping with various fundraising events, being visible and supportive and other events, taking on the challenge of organizing, producing events of my own and one of my favorite activities (even though it's one of the hardest for me) reaching out to those who have yet to become knit into the fabric of our community.

For me, having this title has offered me the opportunity, the role, which made it easier for me to break out of my shell, enjoy being more visible, it helped me discover my sexy playful side, and share it with others, it helped me learn how to ask others for help (something I still have a hard time doing), it made it easier for me to realize that I have a place in this community not just for now, but for the future, and tha I can make of that what I will.

Some things are not unlike they were a year ago.  I am still fiercely loyal to my husband Loren; I am still involved in a variety of activities for a variety of clubs (I still have trouble saying no); I am still not very aggressive about seeking out sexual play, but still very mischievous when I find it. I still don't enjoy self-promotion and I still have a hard time volunteering as much as I think I ought to.

I have made friends I might never have met otherwise.  I have deepened relationships with people who might never have been more than acquaintances.  I have learned that sometime people really do want to hear what I have to say and really enjoy seeing photos of me dressed up or dressed down - and I've learned to enjoy that appreciation, but not to drown in it or become self-absorbed.  I have shared what skills I have with those who have asked me to, and I have opened myself to being more open to asking others to share what they know with me.

I know at this point I have gone on way too long but it is my soap box, and you're not chained down, although I would definitely get into it if you were ;-) So just a wee bit more.

As I said above, my focus this year has been on bringing kink and fetish back to the surface.  I hope that in your interactions with me, you've been turned on, whether by me, by my gear, or by my playfulness is fine by me.  Heaven knows I've been turned on by you, your gear, and your playfulness.  We are leathermen and leatherwomen or as I prefer - kinkmen and kinkwomen.  Next time you head out to a bar, club, or event (or heck, even to the movies) wear your kink!  Put on some leather pants, weat tall boots to work, bring a flogger to the movies.  Make people raise their eyebrows, ask questions, take notice of you. 

Have some fun, treat people well, do good deeds, and live today like it's a precious gift.

Thank you to the many people who have been especially supportive and encouraging this past year.  I have more to say to you elsewhere and elsewhen.


Brad Taylor was selected as Mr Regiment 2010 on November 13, 2009.  I wish him as wonderful a year ahead as mine has been behind and will do everything in my power to ensure that it is.

With gratitude, appreciation, and humility,
Alex Lindsay
Mr Regiment 2009
American Leatherman 2009